A Sort of Roundup

I don’t usually do roundup type posts, but I have a few things to tell you about and none of them I felt I could stretch to fill an entire post, so I thought I’d rope them all together and herd them into a corral somewhere on this imaginary dude ranch I call a blog. So, giddy-up those little piggies. Do pigs giddy-up? I told you, I’m no expert at roundups.

Today is the last full day of Obama’s presidency and I hope he does something weird with it, like fill the Oval Office with testicle-shaped balloons or put glue in the First Stapler. You know, just go crazy with it. But seriously, I’ll miss the guy. I’m split about whether or not he was a great president, but he represented the USA very well with his style, grace and gravitas. Although his foreign policy left a lot to be desired and he spent most of his first term struggling with a muddied domestic message, history I think will be very kind to him based on the ACA alone. Yes, it’s a deeply troubled piece of legislation, but it’s the first of its kind and it took serious balls to get that thing passed and then defend it like it was the Alamo. Hopefully, the once impossible dream of national healthcare will remain a reality and will survive and evolve into something we can all be proud of. No matter who else in the future tries to put their name to it, it’ll always be to his credit in my mind.

Thanks, Obama.

 

obama_wave

“No problem. Be good. I’m outta here… I’m taking the jet with me, though. Trump’s got his own. He won’t mind.”

 

In other news, guess who landed a promo-spot on BookBub? ME! Yes, the most influential and successful email marketer of e-books finally selected my Grant Scotland omnibus, The Unlikely Spy, for a spot on their daily newsletter. As most of you probably know, I’ve performed several painful experiments over the past couple of years with other email marketers and came to the conclusion (along with basically every other self and traditionally published author) that BookBub is the only one truly worth it. The entrance price is steep, but everyone who has ever been featured on their newsletter has received a decent return on investment as well as a huge increase in distribution, at least for the length of the promo at any rate. How did I do it? Well, I told them the omnibus would be discounted down to a crazy cheap $1.99 for a few days and would be offered on Nook, Kobo and Apple as well as Amazon. I think that’s the killer combo they like to see.

I’ll update the blog/Facebook page/Twitter etc when the deal goes live.

I made some New Year’s resolutions. I committed myself to writing two short stories and the next installment in the Grant Scotland series by year’s end. One story is almost finished and the other is about 30-40%. The next Scotland book is all just notes for now, but there are ALOT of notes.

Oh, and I resolved to lose weight. Again. Sweet treats, this is tough! Word of advice to anyone still in their thirties – start adopting healthier eating habits than you had in your twenties. Your waistline will thank you in your forties. Your wallet, too. You’ll save a TON of money on the number of forklifts needed to move your gigantic ass around.

 

“Morning, Dan! Where would you like me to place your left buttock?”

 

And finally, the Adventures of Grant Scotland blog tour rolls on! Today, we’re being featured at T’s Stuff. Stop by and read an excerpt from Greedy Villain and a brief interview. Each blog I stop at has a little different dose of excerpts, guest posts and interview questions, so be sure to check them all out. You can find a list of all the stops here. FYI – Some sites have switched dates so you might have to hunt around a bit. You can also find updated  links to all the stops as they happen on the Grant Scotland community page.

That’s it! Are you ready for tomorrow? Are you ready for the next four years? Things are about to get real interesting, that’s for sure.

 

jurassic-park-33-hold-on-to-your-butts1

 

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“When you’re going through Hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

Reviewing and tipping is loving.

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Now Available: Spy for a Greedy Villain

Finally! After delays, snafus and shenanigans too copious to recount, the Kindle version of Spy for a Greedy Villain, the fourth installment in The Adventures of Grant Scotland series, is now available! So far it is only the Kindle version. A few of those aforementioned snafus hit the print production line, so the availability of the print editions that I promised for all the books has been pushed back a couple of weeks. They should be ready by mid-month.

In the meantime, download Greedy Villain to your Kindle and get reading!

 

aogs4_cover_final

 

Not sure if you’re ready to buy? Just waiting for the print edition? Well, then let me whet your appetite with a little excerpt:

 


I gave him a brief recap of my espionage activities over the past few months, which included reports on the growth and temperament of the One God followers, the coming and going of any Huthan notables and the operations of Doogan and Quinn. At last I followed up with a summary of the harbormaster investigation and finished with the discovery of a ghost in the Lower Docks.

 

“There’s no such things as ghosts, Scotland,” Solin said.

 

“I know, but I haven’t worked up a better nickname for him yet.”

 

“I’m sure you’ll think of something. I have every confidence in your ability to accomplish inane tasks of trivial importance.”

 

“Everybody has to be good at something.”

 

“And while your limited mental capabilities will no doubt be severely taxed in that endeavor, I’ll do some checking into what could make a man entirely concealed in plain sight.”

 

“You mean invisible. You can just say invisible.”

 

“Were I interested in being as lacking in attention to details as you, I could use the word invisible, but luckily for the both of us I am not. Complete invisibility is impossible. Not even the greatest Aelfan wizards were ever able to accomplish such a feat. But, there are several ways a man can remain unnoticed. Take me for instance. For the eleventh time in a row you failed to spot me before I spotted you.”

 

“How am I not surprised you’ve been keeping score? At any rate, he didn’t sneak up on me, I’m telling you I looked right through him.”

 

“Except his boots. Unless in addition to invisibility you also believe in the existence of a sentient pair of boots?”


 

 

Yes, Grant is at last reunited with his endearingly abrasive taskmaster. Hilarious hijinks ensue.

It’s only available on Amazon right now, as are all the rest except for the omnibus, because I want to stay in Kindle Select for now. I still get the occasional borrow through that program and that’s more than I get from Barnes and Noble or Apple or the others. At some point I may re-distribute the series to other markets but my experiments with doing that have been less than rewarding to this point.

In other news, I just finished my initial batch of interviews and guest blogs for my first blog tour! Goddessfish has taken all of my choicest bits of juicy word meats and flung them to the hungry denizens of the blogosphere. Feeding time is scheduled to start right after Christmas, so stay tuned and I’ll let you know what sites to visit so you can follow me around! You won’t even need night-vision goggles and a windowless van this time! It’s perfectly legal!

 

"Well, that takes the fun right out of it. Doesn't it, Precious? Yes."

“Well, that takes the fun right out of it. Doesn’t it, Precious? Yes.”

 

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That’s all for now! Please to enjoy!

Commence with the reading and the reviewing and the ordering and the tipping!

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The Cover Reveal and Other Things I Should Care More About

The talented and affable Mr. Thomas McGee of Rightly Designed has finished work on the cover for Spy for a Greedy Villain! And, now… without further ado I will reveal to you that which you have in breathless anticipation no doubt been awaiting. God, what an awful sentence. Who wrote that? Was he given permission to brutalize the English language so heinously? Actually, you probably don’t need a permission slip these days. Oh well… RAISE THE CURTAINS!

 

aogs4_cover_final

You already looked before I said “raise the curtains” didn’t you? Of course you did, you sneaky monkey.

 

You know, I really don’t get the whole “Cover Reveal” thing. I never even noticed it was a thing before I started self-publishing. What is it supposed to do? Generate buzz and excitement? Has it ever? I doubt it. I really do. I think it’s just another marketing gimmick that people do because they figure “why not?” It’s no-cost and it fills another blog post and generates a new tweet.

Well, hey. “Why not for me too” is what I always say when I’m saying things that aren’t quite true and don’t make much sense.

 

"Now you're starting to speak my language."

“Now you’re starting to speak my language.”

 

In addition to revealing the cover, I’m also revealing the release date for Greedy Villain. November 1st! Mark it on your calendar if you’d like but rest assured that I will remind you as obnoxiously and repeatedly as I can summon the strength to do so. Speaking of which – the strength summoning part, not the obnoxious part – I am planning to do a blog tour after release and have been investigating how these things work and they look HARD! You have to commit to doing at least one, but preferably several, guest posts and interviews per week over the course of four or eight or even sixteen weeks! Yikes! I can hardly stand talking about myself here as infrequently as I do. I don’t even know how I’m going to muster up the narcissistic wherewithal to launch what amounts to a dastardly coordinated surprise attack on the internet using naught but my massive ego.

Actually, when I put it like that, it sounds doable. Exhausting, but doable.

In any case, I no longer have a choice. Either I’m taking this whole enterprise seriously or I’m not. None of the lesser book promoters have yielded satisfactory results and Bookbub is still giving me the cold shoulder. The first three books haven’t collected a single new review in months. Purchasing a blog tour is the only viable way I can think of to get a few sales and a few reviews and push my name out there some more. I’ve done a little research on this and, like Bookbub, a blog tour almost guarantees you’ll get your money back, as well as pick up a few reviews. Also, they’re cheaper than I had priced them when I initially looked at them last year, so that’s good.

A friend of mine recommended I start going to fantasy/sci-fi conventions as an attendee and approach some publishers to help spread the word about the Grant Scotland franchise and also possibly pick up some extra work for e-zines and what not. It’s not a bad idea. I hadn’t really considered it, because I’m not too interested in writing for anyone else right now and I don’t want to give up rights to Grant either, so I doubt how sincere I’d be in approaching people in the industry.

Preferably, I want to attend a fantasy/sci-fi convention in a booth with printed copies of my books to sell or raffle off. It’s the self-pub way. I want to market to the consumers, not the producers. But, I also want to land a traditional publisher at some point for other projects I have in mind, so maybe getting my face in front of faces sooner rather than later might work. I don’t know. I’m having a tough enough time thinking about all the guest posts I’m going to have to write, nevermind my person-to-person pitch skills.

 

"Hi! I'm talk! Do you have a minute to Dan McClure?"

“Hi! I’m talk! Do you have a minute to Dan McClure?”

 

I know. I should have thought of all this much sooner and been busy with it after book two rather than book four, but come on. It’s me we’re talking about here. If there’s a way I can do something backwards and make it more complicated than it has to be, then you can bet your lunch money that’s the way I’m doing it. But if I was any other way would you still love me?

Don’t answer that.

 

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Finished. Let’s you and me grab some hooch and dangle.

To review is essential, to tip is divine.

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The Adventure Continues

Hello?

Anyone still here? Hey. Hey, you! Yes, you at the buffet table. Look, I appreciate you hanging around, but I wouldn’t eat those finger sandwiches. They’ve been sitting there since July. I don’t think they’re-

What’s that? You’ve already eaten three of them? Okay. No problem. Just have a seat. No, not there. I was thinking maybe you could sit in the port-o-potties in the parking lot. Trust me on this one. You’ll thank me later.

Okay, so… Oh, good. Some people coming in. Welcome! Anybody have the number for Poison Control? No? Okay. No problem. That’s completely cool.

How about a tow service? A REALLY discreet towing service. Yes? Good. I won’t ask how you got this… Yes, and I won’t make direct eye contact with the tower. Got it.

Well, alright! Let’s get things started! Please, everyone, have a seat. Refreshments will be made available, just not right now. And don’t mind the cobwebs. Purely for effect. Spooky, right?

 

Personally, I can never pull off spooky. I never get past "I really need to dust."

Personally, I can never pull off spooky. I never get past “I really need to dust.”

 

Anyway, thanks for coming. I really appreciate it. I know it’s been a while since I’ve hosted one of these things. Sorry for not being around this summer. Time went by crazy fast, right? How was your summer? Was it crazy like mine?

Yeah? What’s that, now? Oh, that doesn’t sound good. Should you even be telling me… Oh, you buried the hatchet with someone? Ohhhhh. I see. And then you burned the midnight oil, but not anything else… or anyone else. Good, good. Sounds like a summer to remember.

Well, my summer was… What?

Yes. Yes, you’re right. It should probably be printed on the label that a fifth of Jack Daniels won’t put out a roman candle stuffed into someone’s jeans. Like, both labels, probably.

 

"If you've consumed anywhere close to even half of this in one night, you're going to do some stupid shit. There. We warned you."

“If you’ve consumed anywhere close to even half of this in one night, you’re going to do some stupid shit. There. We warned you.”

 

Anyway, I don’t mean to cut you off, sir. If you’d like to make a guest post, then we can arrange something, but tonight I just want to do my thing and then… ummm… go do something else. Sound good? We good? Alright! Have a finger sandwich.

So, I’m back with news for you! Book Four of The Adventures of Grant Scotland is in final editing! I’ve passed it off to my beautiful and talented editor so she can correct the thousands of mistakes I’ve made before I expose them to the public. She knows how eager I am to expose myself, so she’s always great about making sure I’m covered.

What’s that? No, I don’t know if she’s single. Sir, please. I promise I’ll get done shortly and then you’ll…. Yes, karaoke starts right after this. All the more reason to let me finish, right?

So… Oh. Well, thank you for saying so. I haven’t really paid much attention to my mouth, but thank you for saying it’s pretty. That’s… Well, that’s really something.

Sorry, everyone. WordPress has started renting out my space to people who use it more frequently. They promise they’ll give it back to me full time once I start posting more regularly.

Yes, sir. Thank you for the suggestion. I will consider hosting my own karaoke night. Sounds like a good idea.

Ummm… but where was I? Oh, yes! So, Book Four is almost ready for publication. The design of the cover is currently under the deft hand of my most trusted and professional artist, so I can’t reveal it yet. However, I can tell you the title of the book will be…

Drum roll, please.

Oh. I see that I don’t have a drummer anymore… No, sir. You don’t have to…. Yes, I’m sure you were in a band in high school….

Okay, that’s not really a drum roll so much as the machine-gun evocation from Metallica’s “One.”

Yes, it’s awesome… Yes, awesome and deep… Deep like most people would never understand, you’re absolutely right. Please, stop crying.

Anyway, Book Four’s title is Spy for a Greedy Villain!

RIM-JOB

Wait. That’s… That’s supposed to be rim-shot. You meant rim-shot, right? You see, that’s only supposed to come after a joke and…

Well, that’s a fair point, sir. Perhaps I am a joke.

Wait. How did you even get a drum to make that sound? It doesn’t seem like a percussion instrument should be able to make a slurping-

Oh… Oh… No, you don’t have to show it. I’m sure you’re instructional video is wonderful. Maybe you can share it after karaoke? Okay? Honestly, I’m almost done here.

Look for Spy for a Greedy Villain (TICKLE-SLURP) to make an appearance on virtual store shelves this fall! You won’t want to miss what Grant Scotland gets up to next! And stay tuned to this blog! More delicious details and well-aged appetizers to come!

 

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Okay, we’re done. Seriously, though… Sir? You still awake? Send me the link to that video. That shit is cray-cray.

Save a life! Give an honest Amazon review! Save a car! Tip your delivery driver!

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