Apparently, the title of my last blog post was a little off-putting. Hardly anyone even clicked it. I thought it was provocative, but I guess most people were provoked to stay away instead of come hither. Therefore… ahem… Come Hither You Deliciously Gorgeous Embodiments of Perfection and Divinity! You’re all beautiful people. I love you all. You’re beautiful and lovely. I love you because you’re so beautiful.
“Quit stealing my material or I’ll sue.”
Oh, go ahead. You’ll probably win. Doesn’t matter. I’ve got naught but a moldy pile of zilch in a rusted bucket made of discarded aluminum siding. Wait… does aluminum rust? No? Why is this rusting then? Awww… Just my friggin luck. Stupid bucket.
But seriously, that post wasn’t negative. It was meant to be informative. Sure, there was some frustration expressed about people who feel entitled, but mostly it was about persevering in the face of adversity and staying focused on what’s important. I found it inspiring, anyway. However, I also found it very interesting that the title could have such a repelling effect. It’s… revealing. I haven’t had so few visits since I first started this blog.
Oh, by the way. Happy belated birthday to This Tone Of Voice! Yes, it was February 16th of last year when I gave birth to you! I’m not at all sure you were worth the effort, but since that holds true for most things in my life, it doesn’t stop me from wishing you a very happy One Year Anniversary! Yaaaaaaaaaay!
Balloons! Confetti! Cake! Jello-shots! Adorable baby pictures! Schnapps shots! Presents! Shots of some sort of alcohol nobody can pronounce or remember! Embarrassing stories! More shots! Regret.
Ummm… Where was I?
We live in the soundbite culture, my fine-figured and excellently attired friends. We don’t have time to sort through the glut of information on the inter-tubes to find something of interest. If the title and/or first few sentences don’t capture our attention, then we’re moving on.
Probably to a cat video.
Or a meme.
Now, I’m not judging that sort of thing. I’m just as much a victim to impatience as anyone. But what has that culture yielded us, I wonder? What has that short-attention-span, please-entertain-me-now-but-just-for-like-a-minute, skip-the-middle-paragraphs
DON’T SKIP THE MIDDLE PARAGRAPHS!
-SKIM-some-middle-paragraphs, decide-if-it-is-worth-a-Facebook-share-in-under-thirty-seconds world ushered into being? What could it be, I ponder? What popcorn pontificator and glib giant could rise to prominence in such a milieu?
“I love it. Keep talking. You’re fabulous. You’ve got fabulous readers. I love them.”
They are fabulous, aren’t they? They’re savvy and bright and witty and charming and oh-so-pretty. So pretty and witty and whiiiiiiiiiiiiite. Wait! Ummm… Briiiiiiiight. Yes, that’s it.
Is the thing.
That they are.
I won’t bother to ask “what happened?” We’ve been on this road for a while. Ever since the 24 hour news cycle began we’ve been devouring ever greater amounts of information in ever smaller doses. We distrust experts because although they know more about their specialties, WE know more about everything else. So, that’s like, a lot, right? We see experts as ivory-tower intellectuals out of touch with how life actually works. The people we trust now are the people who have an instant answer to anything we ask them, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. In fact, the more ridiculous the better. Why? Because it makes us feel better that at least we know more than they do.
So, we’ve decided we can’t trust the experts and we prefer to surround ourselves with people who sound dumber than us. Is it any wonder so many of us now support a guy like Donald Trump… for president? We already suffered through the “Well, at least I feel like I could have a beer with him” mentality that got Shrub into office. Do we need to punish ourselves further? Has Obama been that blandly successful (or blandly unsuccessful, depending on your viewpoint) that we need to elect someone who has all the attributes of a terrific American Gladiators spokesperson?
Apparently, we do. We crave more grist for the 24 hour news cycle. We can wrap our heads around “war” and “terrorism” and “security” but nobody’s interested in discussing complicated trade treaties or delicate foreign relations maneuvers or sweeping domestic policy initiatives.
And this is the result. Here we go, my noble and well-groomed and magnificently poised fellow citizens. We’ve got just what we’ve been craving. Our hunger for a constant flow of bite-sized controversy has delivered us to this point. Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for shaking up the establishment to get some much needed reforms, but if that’s the main reason you’re voting for Trump, you might want to give the whole thing another think. After all, when you’re on the same side as white supremacists and New World Order nut-jobs, you kinda have to ask yourself if that’s really the pack you want to start running with.
On the other extreme, I hear some people whispering about fleeing the country if Trump comes to power. Please don’t. If there would ever be a time your country would need you to stay and fight – with voices, protest signs and words, mind you, not guns – then this would be it. Remember – it’s YOUR country, too, damn it. If it’s the people’s will he gets into office, then so be it, but that doesn’t automatically mean the Constitution gets torn up. Hell, even Hitler had to burn the Reichstag building. As for me, if we get President Trump then he and everyone else my little blog can reach are going to hear about what I think of the whole damn clown show as often and as loudly as I can write it.
Besides, Cape Breton is too far north. If I flee anywhere, it’ll be south.
“Good. I’m going to be putting up some great hotels in Cuba. They’ll have lovely food and great people. You’ll love the people and have some great food.”
And that’s the thing. If you don’t think Trump would mostly just use the Oval Office to set up new ways to license his own name or build hotels every-goddamn-where like the world was his personal monopoly board, you really have failed to pay any sort of attention whatsoever.
But all drama aside, a part of me suspects/hopes Trump is a Democrat spy sent to rip the GOP apart. Like maybe he agreed to do this mostly as a dare from Obama, although I’m sure the President meant it as a joke at the time.
He was never intended to assume the presidency. Problem is, since it looks like he actually can do it, I doubt Trump is going to back away from it. His ego isn’t built to refuse an offer like that, no matter how funny the joke would be.
But man, what if he did win the Republican nomination and then just threw up his hands and said “HA! Fooled you!” and then ran off to start producing a TV documentary about the greatest prank of all time? If that’s the case, I’m not at all sure how to go about living in a world that awesome.
Well, here’s hoping.
Thanks for being a statuesque idol filled with a creamy nougat of awesomeness! I deeply appreciate you allowing me to bask in your radiance! As always, feel free to express your thoughts below in the comment section.
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