A Sort of Roundup

I don’t usually do roundup type posts, but I have a few things to tell you about and none of them I felt I could stretch to fill an entire post, so I thought I’d rope them all together and herd them into a corral somewhere on this imaginary dude ranch I call a blog. So, giddy-up those little piggies. Do pigs giddy-up? I told you, I’m no expert at roundups.

Today is the last full day of Obama’s presidency and I hope he does something weird with it, like fill the Oval Office with testicle-shaped balloons or put glue in the First Stapler. You know, just go crazy with it. But seriously, I’ll miss the guy. I’m split about whether or not he was a great president, but he represented the USA very well with his style, grace and gravitas. Although his foreign policy left a lot to be desired and he spent most of his first term struggling with a muddied domestic message, history I think will be very kind to him based on the ACA alone. Yes, it’s a deeply troubled piece of legislation, but it’s the first of its kind and it took serious balls to get that thing passed and then defend it like it was the Alamo. Hopefully, the once impossible dream of national healthcare will remain a reality and will survive and evolve into something we can all be proud of. No matter who else in the future tries to put their name to it, it’ll always be to his credit in my mind.

Thanks, Obama.



“No problem. Be good. I’m outta here… I’m taking the jet with me, though. Trump’s got his own. He won’t mind.”


In other news, guess who landed a promo-spot on BookBub? ME! Yes, the most influential and successful email marketer of e-books finally selected my Grant Scotland omnibus, The Unlikely Spy, for a spot on their daily newsletter. As most of you probably know, I’ve performed several painful experiments over the past couple of years with other email marketers and came to the conclusion (along with basically every other self and traditionally published author) that BookBub is the only one truly worth it. The entrance price is steep, but everyone who has ever been featured on their newsletter has received a decent return on investment as well as a huge increase in distribution, at least for the length of the promo at any rate. How did I do it? Well, I told them the omnibus would be discounted down to a crazy cheap $1.99 for a few days and would be offered on Nook, Kobo and Apple as well as Amazon. I think that’s the killer combo they like to see.

I’ll update the blog/Facebook page/Twitter etc when the deal goes live.

I made some New Year’s resolutions. I committed myself to writing two short stories and the next installment in the Grant Scotland series by year’s end. One story is almost finished and the other is about 30-40%. The next Scotland book is all just notes for now, but there are ALOT of notes.

Oh, and I resolved to lose weight. Again. Sweet treats, this is tough! Word of advice to anyone still in their thirties – start adopting healthier eating habits than you had in your twenties. Your waistline will thank you in your forties. Your wallet, too. You’ll save a TON of money on the number of forklifts needed to move your gigantic ass around.


“Morning, Dan! Where would you like me to place your left buttock?”


And finally, the Adventures of Grant Scotland blog tour rolls on! Today, we’re being featured at T’s Stuff. Stop by and read an excerpt from Greedy Villain and a brief interview. Each blog I stop at has a little different dose of excerpts, guest posts and interview questions, so be sure to check them all out. You can find a list of all the stops here. FYI – Some sites have switched dates so you might have to hunt around a bit. You can also find updated  links to all the stops as they happen on the Grant Scotland community page.

That’s it! Are you ready for tomorrow? Are you ready for the next four years? Things are about to get real interesting, that’s for sure.






“When you’re going through Hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

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You Are Candy Coated Sex Chocolate!

Apparently, the title of my last blog post was a little off-putting. Hardly anyone even clicked it. I thought it was provocative, but I guess most people were provoked to stay away instead of come hither. Therefore… ahem… Come Hither You Deliciously Gorgeous Embodiments of Perfection and Divinity! You’re all beautiful people. I love you all. You’re beautiful and lovely. I love you because you’re so beautiful.


"Quit stealing my material or I'll sue."

“Quit stealing my material or I’ll sue.”


Oh, go ahead. You’ll probably win. Doesn’t matter. I’ve got naught but a moldy pile of zilch in a rusted bucket made of discarded aluminum siding. Wait… does aluminum rust? No? Why is this rusting then? Awww… Just my friggin luck. Stupid bucket.

But seriously, that post wasn’t negative. It was meant to be informative. Sure, there was some frustration expressed about people who feel entitled, but mostly it was about persevering in the face of adversity and staying focused on what’s important. I found it inspiring, anyway. However, I also found it very interesting that the title could have such a repelling effect. It’s… revealing. I haven’t had so few visits since I first started this blog.

Oh, by the way. Happy belated birthday to This Tone Of Voice! Yes, it was February 16th of last year when I gave birth to you! I’m not at all sure you were worth the effort, but since that holds true for most things in my life, it doesn’t stop me from wishing you a very happy One Year Anniversary! Yaaaaaaaaaay!

Balloons! Confetti! Cake! Jello-shots! Adorable baby pictures! Schnapps shots! Presents! Shots of some sort of alcohol nobody can pronounce or remember! Embarrassing stories! More shots! Regret.

Ummm… Where was I?

Oh, yes.

We live in the soundbite culture, my fine-figured and excellently attired friends. We don’t have time to sort through the glut of information on the inter-tubes to find something of interest. If the title and/or first few sentences don’t capture our attention, then we’re moving on.

Probably to a cat video.

Or a meme.

With cats.

Now, I’m not judging that sort of thing. I’m just as much a victim to impatience as anyone. But what has that culture yielded us, I wonder? What has that short-attention-span, please-entertain-me-now-but-just-for-like-a-minute, skip-the-middle-paragraphs


-SKIM-some-middle-paragraphs, decide-if-it-is-worth-a-Facebook-share-in-under-thirty-seconds world ushered into being? What could it be, I ponder? What popcorn pontificator and glib giant could rise to prominence in such a milieu?



“I love it. Keep talking. You’re fabulous. You’ve got fabulous readers. I love them.”


They are fabulous, aren’t they? They’re savvy and bright and witty and charming and oh-so-pretty. So pretty and witty and whiiiiiiiiiiiiite. Wait! Ummm… Briiiiiiiight. Yes, that’s it.


Is the thing.

That they are.

I won’t bother to ask “what happened?” We’ve been on this road for a while. Ever since the 24 hour news cycle began we’ve been devouring ever greater amounts of information in ever smaller doses. We distrust experts because although they know more about their specialties, WE know more about everything else. So, that’s like, a lot, right? We see experts as ivory-tower intellectuals out of touch with how life actually works. The people we trust now are the people who have an instant answer to anything we ask them, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. In fact, the more ridiculous the better. Why? Because it makes us feel better that at least we know more than they do.

So, we’ve decided we can’t trust the experts and we prefer to surround ourselves with people who sound dumber than us. Is it any wonder so many of us now support a guy like Donald Trump… for president? We already suffered through the “Well, at least I feel like I could have a beer with him” mentality that got Shrub into office. Do we need to punish ourselves further? Has Obama been that blandly successful (or blandly unsuccessful, depending on your viewpoint) that we need to elect someone who has all the attributes of a terrific American Gladiators spokesperson?

Apparently, we do. We crave more grist for the 24 hour news cycle. We can wrap our heads around “war” and “terrorism” and “security” but nobody’s interested in discussing complicated trade treaties or delicate foreign relations maneuvers or sweeping domestic policy initiatives.


And this is the result. Here we go, my noble and well-groomed and magnificently poised fellow citizens. We’ve got just what we’ve been craving. Our hunger for a constant flow of bite-sized controversy has delivered us to this point. Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for shaking up the establishment to get some much needed reforms, but if that’s the main reason you’re voting for Trump, you might want to give the whole thing another think. After all, when you’re on the same side as white supremacists and New World Order nut-jobs, you kinda have to ask yourself if that’s really the pack you want to start running with.

On the other extreme, I hear some people whispering about fleeing the country if Trump comes to power. Please don’t. If there would ever be a time your country would need you to stay and fight – with voices, protest signs and words, mind you, not guns – then this would be it. Remember – it’s YOUR country, too, damn it. If it’s the people’s will he gets into office, then so be it, but that doesn’t automatically mean the Constitution gets torn up. Hell, even Hitler had to burn the Reichstag building. As for me, if we get President Trump then he and everyone else my little blog can reach are going to hear about what I think of the whole damn clown show as often and as loudly as I can write it.

Besides, Cape Breton is too far north. If I flee anywhere, it’ll be south.


"Good. I'm going to be putting up some great hotels in Cuba. They'll have lovely food and great people. You'll love the people and have some great food."

“Good. I’m going to be putting up some great hotels in Cuba. They’ll have lovely food and great people. You’ll love the people and have some great food.”


And that’s the thing. If you don’t think Trump would mostly just use the Oval Office to set up new ways to license his own name or build hotels every-goddamn-where like the world was his personal monopoly board, you really have failed to pay any sort of attention whatsoever.

But all drama aside, a part of me suspects/hopes Trump is a Democrat spy sent to rip the GOP apart. Like maybe he agreed to do this mostly as a dare from Obama, although I’m sure the President meant it as a joke at the time.

He was never intended to assume the presidency. Problem is, since it looks like he actually can do it, I doubt Trump is going to back away from it. His ego isn’t built to refuse an offer like that, no matter how funny the joke would be.

But man, what if he did win the Republican nomination and then just threw up his hands and said “HA! Fooled you!” and then ran off to start producing a TV documentary about the greatest prank of all time? If that’s the case, I’m not at all sure how to go about living in a world that awesome.

Well, here’s hoping.




Thanks for being a statuesque idol filled with a creamy nougat of awesomeness! I deeply appreciate you allowing me to bask in your radiance! As always, feel free to express your thoughts below in the comment section.

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