You Are Candy Coated Sex Chocolate!

Apparently, the title of my last blog post was a little off-putting. Hardly anyone even clicked it. I thought it was provocative, but I guess most people were provoked to stay away instead of come hither. Therefore… ahem… Come Hither You Deliciously Gorgeous Embodiments of Perfection and Divinity! You’re all beautiful people. I love you all. You’re beautiful and lovely. I love you because you’re so beautiful.


"Quit stealing my material or I'll sue."

“Quit stealing my material or I’ll sue.”


Oh, go ahead. You’ll probably win. Doesn’t matter. I’ve got naught but a moldy pile of zilch in a rusted bucket made of discarded aluminum siding. Wait… does aluminum rust? No? Why is this rusting then? Awww… Just my friggin luck. Stupid bucket.

But seriously, that post wasn’t negative. It was meant to be informative. Sure, there was some frustration expressed about people who feel entitled, but mostly it was about persevering in the face of adversity and staying focused on what’s important. I found it inspiring, anyway. However, I also found it very interesting that the title could have such a repelling effect. It’s… revealing. I haven’t had so few visits since I first started this blog.

Oh, by the way. Happy belated birthday to This Tone Of Voice! Yes, it was February 16th of last year when I gave birth to you! I’m not at all sure you were worth the effort, but since that holds true for most things in my life, it doesn’t stop me from wishing you a very happy One Year Anniversary! Yaaaaaaaaaay!

Balloons! Confetti! Cake! Jello-shots! Adorable baby pictures! Schnapps shots! Presents! Shots of some sort of alcohol nobody can pronounce or remember! Embarrassing stories! More shots! Regret.

Ummm… Where was I?

Oh, yes.

We live in the soundbite culture, my fine-figured and excellently attired friends. We don’t have time to sort through the glut of information on the inter-tubes to find something of interest. If the title and/or first few sentences don’t capture our attention, then we’re moving on.

Probably to a cat video.

Or a meme.

With cats.

Now, I’m not judging that sort of thing. I’m just as much a victim to impatience as anyone. But what has that culture yielded us, I wonder? What has that short-attention-span, please-entertain-me-now-but-just-for-like-a-minute, skip-the-middle-paragraphs


-SKIM-some-middle-paragraphs, decide-if-it-is-worth-a-Facebook-share-in-under-thirty-seconds world ushered into being? What could it be, I ponder? What popcorn pontificator and glib giant could rise to prominence in such a milieu?



“I love it. Keep talking. You’re fabulous. You’ve got fabulous readers. I love them.”


They are fabulous, aren’t they? They’re savvy and bright and witty and charming and oh-so-pretty. So pretty and witty and whiiiiiiiiiiiiite. Wait! Ummm… Briiiiiiiight. Yes, that’s it.


Is the thing.

That they are.

I won’t bother to ask “what happened?” We’ve been on this road for a while. Ever since the 24 hour news cycle began we’ve been devouring ever greater amounts of information in ever smaller doses. We distrust experts because although they know more about their specialties, WE know more about everything else. So, that’s like, a lot, right? We see experts as ivory-tower intellectuals out of touch with how life actually works. The people we trust now are the people who have an instant answer to anything we ask them, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. In fact, the more ridiculous the better. Why? Because it makes us feel better that at least we know more than they do.

So, we’ve decided we can’t trust the experts and we prefer to surround ourselves with people who sound dumber than us. Is it any wonder so many of us now support a guy like Donald Trump… for president? We already suffered through the “Well, at least I feel like I could have a beer with him” mentality that got Shrub into office. Do we need to punish ourselves further? Has Obama been that blandly successful (or blandly unsuccessful, depending on your viewpoint) that we need to elect someone who has all the attributes of a terrific American Gladiators spokesperson?

Apparently, we do. We crave more grist for the 24 hour news cycle. We can wrap our heads around “war” and “terrorism” and “security” but nobody’s interested in discussing complicated trade treaties or delicate foreign relations maneuvers or sweeping domestic policy initiatives.


And this is the result. Here we go, my noble and well-groomed and magnificently poised fellow citizens. We’ve got just what we’ve been craving. Our hunger for a constant flow of bite-sized controversy has delivered us to this point. Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for shaking up the establishment to get some much needed reforms, but if that’s the main reason you’re voting for Trump, you might want to give the whole thing another think. After all, when you’re on the same side as white supremacists and New World Order nut-jobs, you kinda have to ask yourself if that’s really the pack you want to start running with.

On the other extreme, I hear some people whispering about fleeing the country if Trump comes to power. Please don’t. If there would ever be a time your country would need you to stay and fight – with voices, protest signs and words, mind you, not guns – then this would be it. Remember – it’s YOUR country, too, damn it. If it’s the people’s will he gets into office, then so be it, but that doesn’t automatically mean the Constitution gets torn up. Hell, even Hitler had to burn the Reichstag building. As for me, if we get President Trump then he and everyone else my little blog can reach are going to hear about what I think of the whole damn clown show as often and as loudly as I can write it.

Besides, Cape Breton is too far north. If I flee anywhere, it’ll be south.


"Good. I'm going to be putting up some great hotels in Cuba. They'll have lovely food and great people. You'll love the people and have some great food."

“Good. I’m going to be putting up some great hotels in Cuba. They’ll have lovely food and great people. You’ll love the people and have some great food.”


And that’s the thing. If you don’t think Trump would mostly just use the Oval Office to set up new ways to license his own name or build hotels every-goddamn-where like the world was his personal monopoly board, you really have failed to pay any sort of attention whatsoever.

But all drama aside, a part of me suspects/hopes Trump is a Democrat spy sent to rip the GOP apart. Like maybe he agreed to do this mostly as a dare from Obama, although I’m sure the President meant it as a joke at the time.

He was never intended to assume the presidency. Problem is, since it looks like he actually can do it, I doubt Trump is going to back away from it. His ego isn’t built to refuse an offer like that, no matter how funny the joke would be.

But man, what if he did win the Republican nomination and then just threw up his hands and said “HA! Fooled you!” and then ran off to start producing a TV documentary about the greatest prank of all time? If that’s the case, I’m not at all sure how to go about living in a world that awesome.

Well, here’s hoping.




Thanks for being a statuesque idol filled with a creamy nougat of awesomeness! I deeply appreciate you allowing me to bask in your radiance! As always, feel free to express your thoughts below in the comment section.

This week’s T-Shirt winner is Donald Trump! Congrats, Donald! Look for the newsletter soon and please respond with size and mailing address!

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Don’t let the world wait another second to read your next brilliantly-worded Amazon review and don’t let that grovelling delivery driver leave without offering him a pittance from your gracious and finely sculpted hand!




5 thoughts on “You Are Candy Coated Sex Chocolate!

  1. I agree with, “here’s hoping.”

    Regarding, “I hear some people whispering about fleeing the country if Trump comes to power. Please don’t. If there would ever be a time your country would need you to stay and fight – with voices, protest signs and words”–when the Donald heard that a protester at one of his rallies was beaten, his first words were, “he probably deserved it.” Trump’s concept of CEO and President of the United States is that he does not, nor will not, suffer contrary opinions. Canada looks good when that is the mentality of the potential leader of the United States. We were founded on loftier principles than what has been the main thrusts of most of these candidates. Freedom for all mean a mentality of toleration, not hatred.

    “We will no longer allowing Muslims to immigrate into the United States as they do not deserve this great nation!” Ah, excuse me, isn’t the reason that we are the greatest nation because we DO take people from all faiths, nationalities, and economic status? So many politicians wrapping themselves in the flag seem oblivious to the ‘finer’ points of our foundation.

    Many politicians are walking oxymorons, heck, morons period. They all talk about bringing people together out of one side of their mouths, and then provide to their followers the bigoted, short-sighted, fear inducing base rhetoric out of the other side of their two-sided faces…with most lapping it up without rational thought or question—including the reporting media itself.

    As a nation, we considered building underground bunkers in the 1950s and ’60s out of fear of a Russian nuclear attack,. I imagine a number of people now are considering building them out of fear of their fellow citizens instead, who are seemingly becoming more irrational than zombies in a brain starvation attack. If the voters’ senses do not return by the time of the election, then I will have to conclude that the majority of the populace must have been riled by numerous base emotional hooks and hate filled sound bites into a full zombie rage in order to commit the atrocity of voting this reality television star as our President.

    I think that the United States deserves a smart and wise person to be its leader. Considering the scope of responsibility of the position, I want the choice of voting for the smartest, most level-headed, fair-minded person available in all the land. I do not want a circus’ worth of clowns applying, and I especially do not want bigoted, impulse control disordered people in charge of the nuclear codes and the expansion of our Constitution.

    I fear that the majority of the citizens of the United States have lost the ability to think rationally and critically (‘No Child Left Behind’ has become ‘No Child Can Think for Themselves’). Our Congress and Senate have already succumbed to the brain withering effects of the partisan politics borne by the corrupt practice of gerrymandering. Obama was the only calm, thinking person left in Washington, and he will be leaving. I fear the possible future of a Trump Zombie Apocalypse. We all should.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for commenting, John! I agree that the prospect of a Trump presidency is scary indeed, but I’m not quite ready to start fortifying my apartment. Landlord might take some issue with that. 😉 You made some great points and I’m glad you stepped forward to express them. I’m hoping most of the polling data for Trump we’ve seen so far is more or less “likely Republican voters” than “ALL likely voters.” IF that’s true, then that means half the GOP is just as scared of him as the Dems and Indies. Still – his popularity is certainly indicative of a disturbing trend toward reactionary politics and a culture of fear.


  2. I’m not sure human society has changed all that much … we humans, for the most part, have always preferred easy to chew bite-sized ideas and wise sounding slogans. Facebook and Twitter just make it easier to state these things without having to go through the bother of going to the pub or to speaker’s corner in the park.

    I find it an interesting problem because much wisdom can actually be distilled into easy to consume bite-sized containers/slogans – the business literature is replete with this – but the trick is if you don’t really understand the struggle and turmoil of the underlying parts of the statement/proposition/wisdom then you really can’t have considered yourself any wiser for actually saying something. This has always been true – it is much easier to sound profound than it is to be profound.

    But, these slogans have value because they help people deal with a complex and scary world. Here’s one from a man that many thought was going to ruin our country and in fact is one of the greatest presidents of all time … “All we have to fear, is fear itself”. Franklin D. Roosevelt. Easy to say, hard to unpack all the meaning. Even harder to live.

    Here’s another profound statement that I find germane to Trump : “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” – Edmund Burke.

    Most people will agree with this because they believe they are good and do good. But here is one of the rubs in a Trump for President world. If you don’t stand up before (an even more importantly perhaps after) and publicly rail against the silliness of this man then you are enabling evil. I don’t mean the kind of child-molesting/rapist kind of evil that is easy to see and decry … I mean the kind of evil where we accept the platitudes and amusing buffoonery of this man as a leader. The evil of pure narcissism that will leave our country very worse-off because it accepts no responsibility.

    People : Don’t move out of the country … Stand now and publicly reject this person as a potential leader of our great nation. But, more importantly if somehow he does become president then we must stand even taller and work even harder to help our nation survive what will be at best 4 years of primping, grandstanding, dangerous chaos.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yeah, last week’s blog not as good as your usual. Felt more hate filled than usual. I didn’t want to say anything since I never really point out the ones I DO LIKE but since u brought it up. …. but I do like most of them and always look forward to reading them. Interesting that you started this blog on my mom’s birthday. I’m sure there is an ironic/disgusting/fancy/funny and/or etc message/meaning in that somewhere. ….. Schmuv.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL. But apparently it’s OK for me to spew hate at Donald Trump? I kid. But not really.

      Actually, what was more interesting to me was not that people agreed/disagreed or objected to the content, but that they didn’t even click the link to read it. I can see that stuff on my dashboard. So, I gathered it was more the title that was unattractive to readers than anything else. It sorta fits with what I’m saying about sound-bite culture.


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