The boring story

I hate authors who think I have any interest at all in their lives. Maybe hate is too strong a word. It’s just that I’m more interested in their stories than I am in them. That’s all. Anyway, I’ve been reading Konrath’s blog, which I highly recommend for anyone interested in the self-publishing industry, for a year or so now and occasionally he has guest posts by other self-published authors. I can’t stand them. They all sound like this:

…went to school… never thought I could… married the most WONDERFUL man… wrote while nursing my third son… knew I didn’t know anything about it, so I… been a crazy sort of insane journey… feel so blessed and fortunate.

Guh. All of them. No exception. I get a headache every time I think about them. Does anybody actually enjoy reading that crap? I guess someone does. Well, if you’re reading this and you have any interest at all in the story of my life you need to stop reading right now. Just walk away. There are literally a million authors ready and willing to tell you their life stories and they’re all equally boring, but each in their own special snowflake way. I encourage you to go read them until you’ve memorized their bourgeois nonsense verbatim. Then, just remove the name and put mine in its place. There. You’ve got my life story. That’s me. I am that quirky housewife/cranky pundit/boozy weirdo/plucky misfit toy.

Instead of laying all that schlock on you, ‘imma talk about what I want, ’cause I do what I want.

cartmen_do_what_i_want

Let’s see, I always wanted to be a writer… blah blah blah… went to school for writing… yadda yadda yadda…

Oh, here it is. This is what I wanted to talk about. Before starting The Adventures of Grant Scotland roughly two years ago, I hadn’t written a single piece of anything since the short stories I wrote in college. So, about eighteen years of… eh, call it research. I’m not sure why I wasn’t writing, except that I didn’t have anything I wanted to say. I suppose that doesn’t stop some people, but for me it’s really that simple. Oh sure, I wrote quite a bit as part of my job as a computer game designer (failed career #2), but never anything for myself.

Then, after no less than three distinct failed careers, many failed relationships and a requisite number of life experiences, I guess I was ready.  Not only did I want to start writing, but I knew what I wanted to say and, more importantly, knew that there wasn’t anything else left that I wanted to do instead.

Actually, to be fair, I don’t think I’m qualified to do anything else now. This writer gig pretty much has to work. The word is out about me. I’m quite useless at everything except this – hopefully.

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “The boring story

    • I enjoy your blog, Auston. Your posts are interesting and funny. I haven’t read any of your guest posts/author interviews on other people’s blogs, however, which is the thing I got overwhelmingly tired of reading on Konrath’s blog. It got so bad that I started skimming them and now I just skip them altogether. On the other hand, as I said, somebody out there must like them because they seem to be everywhere. That being said, I’d be happy to have you do an author interview here once I actually get some more followers. Maybe when Iron Ring 2 comes out. I’ll have to think of some unusual questions so neither of us come off as hypocritical. Number one, of course, is what kind of chair do you use when writing. In my experience this is an essential part of the craft, but no one ever asks. Yeah… I’ll think up some others. This’ll be good.

      Liked by 1 person

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